Growing Attached
by Insanity-Is-Relative
Summary: Harry is abandoned at an orphanage when his relatives can't handle any more. being abandoned at the orphanage stamped out Harry's innocence and hope and he enters the magical bitter and jaded. He wont trust but Lucius Malfoy see's it beneficial to do so.


Harry had hope. He had hope that things would eventually change and that he wouldn't be locked away forever, because he was locked away, in a small dark cupboard under the stairs. Strangely enough it had only been recently he had started lamenting about being kept in his cupboard.

For years his cupboard had been his special place, when all other residents of the house had grown too large to fit more than their head through the doors. If it wasn't for the need of food and toilet breaks Harry could have happily spent his entire time in his cupboard where his relatives couldn't get annoyed by him. He knew they didn't like him and he irritated them, so he figured the easiest way to get them to like him was to stay out of their way. If they didn't see him then he could do no wrong and he wouldn't have to feel the feeling of dislike and often hate directed at him which seemed so unpleasant. In Harry's life so far the closest he'd come to feeling dislike himself was when his aunt had fed them Brussels sprouts for dinner. He had eaten them in the end but then he had also been eternally grateful for his cousin putting up such a fuss that they would never again be served in the Dursley house hold, but he still didn't see how they could feel so much dislike all the time.

So in the end, for Harry's emotional innocence, which hadn't yet been affected by feelings such as hate or anger nor envy, he stayed in his cupboard. Harry was innocent to the core and his cupboard kept him that way. In his cupboard he could dream and imagine all sorts of tales and adventures of what would happen when he left his cupboard. There were princes and princesses' ninjas and cyborgs, dragons and aliens. All different races from each imaginable time and in each of his minds creations everyone would be happy. The princes would laugh with the aliens and the cyborgs would fall in love with the princesses' and the ninjas would befriend the dragons.

His tales would grow and grow each time more details added and each day his fantasy's would all go on a new adventure. There was plenty of space in his cupboard and the colours would spring from the darkness. But then there was that part of his five year old mind, the part which recognised these fantasies as just that, fantasies. They were not real and as he grew he wanted to experience real adventures but the older he got the more impatient became to have adventures of his own. And that's what his hope fed. His hope fed his plans for leaving his cupboard and going on his own epic adventure.

But there were a few things each person needed before they went on their adventure, which is where his hope was tested because now, as a seven year old, he couldn't get any of them. And on top of that it was getting harder to see no fault in his relatives. His uncle had taken to swatting him on the head whenever he was let out his sanctuary and his cousin and his friends were getting vicious at school. Harry had bruises on his shins from where they had been kicking him. But he would soldier on as he always did. It wasn't like he couldn't take it; his uncle was probably only stressed from work and Dudley's friend piers was probably pressuring his cousin into hurting him. Because after all they were family and family looked after each other.

It was Friday the last day of school for the week and Harry was walking home so he could get back in his cupboard and do his sums. His cousin would need his help he always did and Harry was happy do give it, helping his cousin made Harry feel good, especially when his cousin was so happy when the teachers praised him, even if they had said Harry cheated a few times. Harry had learnt to do a few wrong on his own work so as not to get Dudley in trouble. The fact that he always helped his cousin so much most likely only added to the hurt he felt walking home that day. He had been halfway to the house when his cousin had caught up to him very out of breath from the extra bit of pace he had used. Harry slowed down to let him catch his breath. When he had caught his breath Harry gave him his largest smiles with his rosy cheeks squinting into large red tomatoes.

"Hey Dudley" Harry cheerfully greeted his cousin, happy that Dudley wanted to walk home with Harry. Normally Dudley would avoid him.

"You know their planning to leave you?" Dudley whispered close to Harry's face but Harry didn't understand the meaning. Dudley's eyes were squinted into what looked to be a glare. But why would Dudley be glaring at him, and who would be leaving him?

"What do you mean?" Harry asked innocently.

"I heard my dad talking to mum, they don't want you any more you freak and they're going to get rid of you" Harry's mouth hung open in shock. He knew Dudley's jokes weren't that funny but he always humoured him anyway so as not to hurt his feelings. But this joke really wasn't funny. It felt mean and Harry didn't like mean.

"They wouldn't do that, I've been good" Harry insisted. Harry's wide eyes went wider as Dudley pushed him into the dirt on the side of the pavement. Harrys hand had landed and a twig and it scraped his palm.

"You're a freak, freaks can't be good, you freak." Dudley's voice was taunting and Harry's eyes filled with hurt and tears. Why was his cousin being mean he'd been nothing but helpful doing whatever they wanted? And now his hand hurt where his skin was scrapped and his cousin was talking about Harry's aunt and uncle abandoning him. His cousin kicked Harry's side and he let out a yelp as his tears started to spill down his face. Why was this happening? His cousin relishing the torment he was causing his cousin smiled before wobbling his chubby legs away leaving Harry in the dirt.

It was a while before Harry picked himself up from the dirt and made his way home. He felt slightly numb. He hadn't been bombarded with so many feelings like this before and it hurt, it made his chest hurt and his throat block as if his body was attempting to keep the wail of despair from escaping him. Why had his cousin said those things, was he telling the truth and if so why didn't his family want him what had he done? But if his cousin was lying why would he? It had been mean and his cousin wasn't supposed to be mean to him. Harry wondered these all the way home as well as gingerly brushing of his hand to see that he had scrapped his hand and he noticed that whenever he moved his hand the skin would pull and hurt.

When he eventually got home it was to a very irate uncle. He'd walked through the back door and into the kitchen as always because his aunt didn't like him using the front door, _see he did what he was told_. But as soon as he entered the kitchen his progress to his cupboard was stopped by his uncle rising from the kitchen table he had been sat at. His uncle's face was red and Harry worried if his uncle was hurt. But his uncle managed to rise from his seat and come to stand above him, his face quivering and starting to scar Harry.

"Where have you been boy!" his uncle bellowed and spit flew into young Harry's face. "You were stealing from the shop weren't you, you no good freak!" his uncle reached forward and grabbed a fist full of Harry's old baggy top so that Harry was pulled onto the tips of his toes. Whilst Harry looked into the raging eyes of his uncle he just couldn't understand why everything was going wrong so suddenly. None of it made sense!

"Get in the car!" his uncles abrupt tone startled Harry. Why did he need to get in the car, Harry's head was starting to hurt, they weren't really getting rid of him were they? Harry was scared and he wanted his cupboard. He opened his mouth to beg his uncle to let him stay, he'd do anything, but his uncle shoved him back towards the back door and when Harry didn't take a step further because his brain couldn't catch up with his body and tell him he better listen to his uncle, his uncle pushed him further and further until he was manhandling Harry into the seat of his polished car. Harry was crying now because he didn't want to leave, but his uncle gave him a sharp slap across his cheek to make him shut up. His previously loud cries quietened into low whimpers as he curled into a ball now that the pain in his chest and throat was back.

Harry wished his cousin had been lying, even if it meant Dudley had been mean to him, because anything would be better than this. Harry could imagine the pain in his chest was his heart wrenching from its place. Harry curled in on himself trying to protect himself from the inner pain whilst his uncle got into the driver's seat and slammed the door.

"Should have done this a long time ago" his uncle muttered gruffly without even looking back at his nephew only putting the car into drive and pulling out onto the street. Sometime during the journey his uncle had turned on the radio and was listening to the news grumbling every now and again about one piece or the other. Harry on the other hand had had at some Pont uncurled from the upright foetal position and now sat limply on the back seat staring plainly at a random spot on the inside of the car. He didn't want to look out the window and see where he was going he just wanted to close his eyes and pretend he was in his cupboard, but the movement of the car wouldn't let him and whenever he shut his eyes his mind played back the previous moments before getting in the car.

His seed of hope seemed crushed. Adventures of grandeur seemed so far off and unattainable Harry could see no forward only the stillness that was now. He didn't want to attempt to imagine any of his fantasies for fear of contaminating them with the bad feelings. He had always kept the bad feelings away but now they were tearing him to pieces. His blank eyes stared lifelessly, not seeing anything and his limbs falling useless on the upholstery; his grazed palm was long forgotten. His blank stare continued until the car came to a stop and the sound of his uncle opening his side door roused him from his state of lifelessness.

"Out boy" his uncle ordered. Harry complied silently, all the fight sucked out of him as reality overshadowed his fantasies. Harry barely looked up as he followed his uncle up the path merely following the step his uncle made. If he had looked up he would have seen his uncle was walking him towards the steps of a tall building which had the words 'Clifton orphanage', written above its front. If he had looked up he would have seen how although in good condition it still looked like it needed care from the way the paint was peeling and there was a crack in doors window. Harry tripped slightly up the steps scattering fallen leaves from the nearby trees not having been looking where he was going but continuously kept this head bowed as his uncles meaty fist reached out to nock impatiently on the door. When no one answered straight away his uncle bashed more loudly making the door shake. He was about the open his mouth and start spouting rudeness when the door swung open and a haggard looking woman answered the door. She didn't appear overly old but stress seemed to be weighing her down.

Harry's ear twitched when he heard shouts and yells form inside the house. He could make out shouts of _'that's mine'_ and '_shut up'_ as well as general giggles and noises a house full of children would be expected to make. Harry peeked up quickly to look at the woman behind his fringe before once again looking down at his battered trainers. She had brown hair in a bun which looked to be turning grey and had stands escaping wildly she also had lines of weariness around her eyes and mouth from where she must of pursed her lips often. But even though she seemed to have a lot going on she still managed a smile for the undoubtedly rude Vernon Dursley.

"Yes can I help you?" she asked and she didn't sound like a grouch to Harry in fact she sounded kind of pleasant if not just very tired and in need of a nap. Harry's uncle grabbed him by the neck and thrust Harry forward.

"Take him, we don't want him back, I don't care what happens to him just take him" his uncles tone was forceful and he let Harry go so he stood right in front of the tired lady. Without waiting for an answer, Harry's uncle started to retreat down the steps to his car. If at all possible Harry's head dropped even more in defeat, there would be no going back once his uncle left and he knew that, no chance of his uncle suddenly changing his mind or admitting it was all one big joke.

"Wait sir, please"the lady tried to stop his uncle buy Vernon just picked up the pace so he could get out of there faster. After looking after Vernon and scowling at the rude man for a bit, a crash from in the house seemed to rouse her from her thoughts. She looked to Harry whose mop of black hair was hiding his face as he shuffled on the spot his t-shirt almost falling off his scrawny shoulders. How that man could just leave this child here so abruptly she would never understand with her caring nature. "Well come on then child, we best get inside before the house goes up in ruins" she reached out a worn hand watching him as he lifted his head from the staring contest with his toes. His unnaturally bright green eyes were swimming with unshed tears as his lip jutted out.

Harry would never be going back to privet drive. After everything he had done to make sure his family got along with him and liked him they still wanted him gone. He wasn't their family anymore, now he really had no family. And yet he was still scared of contaminating his perfect world in his mind. He worried his mind would now inflict pain and misery on the princes and princesses' ninjas and cyborgs, dragons and aliens. With no choice but to take what's offered to him Harry held onto the kind lady's hand and she led him into the orphanage.


End file.
